Flirting is one of the oldest activities known to man. It's the first stage of the courtship dance, and when done properly, it sets the stage for the more intimate aspects of a relationship.
But flirting does not have to be about getting laid. It can be about making a woman, any woman, feel good about herself. And the guy then feels good about himself too, when she flirts back. At this level, it's harmless fun with no hidden agenda.
Because the middle stages in the courtship dance have pretty much disappeared these days, flirting can be taken the wrong way, if not handled properly. There's a fine line between flirting and sexual harassment. And it's a line you don't want to cross.
In the past, there would be a lot to get through before you actually got the girl into bed. And usually it involved dating, an engagement, and finally a wedding before the dance reached its climax. Excuse the pun.
But today, many people go from flirting to bed in an evening. This means flirting takes on a lot more importance. It's become the only foreplay in a lot of circumstances. And as with any foreplay, it has to be done well, if the dance's climax is to be a good one.
This article is not about using flirting to get a woman into bed on the first night. Speed seduction, as it's now called, is not something that interests me. It's a bit like fast food. You get it fast, you eat it fast, and you barely register that you had it. You certainly don't remember much about the taste, especially if you were drinking at the time.
For that reason alone, I am not in favour of speed seduction. I would much prefer a gourmet meal in an ambient environment to a burger and fries at a take-away.
So, I want you to consider the positives of taking it slowly, too. Instant gratification is not all it's cracked up to be. It can get pretty boring after a while, and it all becomes a bit 'same ol', same ol''. Done right, the courting ritual can be enjoyed for its own sake, not just for the 'climax'.
If you see flirting as a pleasant, gentlemanly pass-time, that has no agenda but to make a woman feel attractive, then it's much easier to do. As soon as you see it as the starting block for the race to the bedroom, then you put a lot of pressure on yourself to get it right.
Flirting can be as simple as smiling at someone in an admiring way. It can be a little bow of the head, acknowledging the woman as someone worth of your attention.
It can involve other non-verbal cues too, like lightly touching her in socially acceptable places, like her elbow, back or shoulder. You are doing more than flirting if your hand slips down her back to her bum. So, don't go there, unless you really are after fast food.
One of the sexiest things a man can do is to run his finger lightly down a woman's arm, while watching her eyes. If she pulls away, then don't go back there. Read her reactions. Take 'no' for an answer. Very few women actually say 'no', if they mean 'yes'. So let her set the pace. She'll feel safer that way, and therefore more open to further developments.
There are so many subtle actions you can take to flirt, without saying a word. You can lean in close to her ear, breathe in, and very soft say 'mmm', as if you appreciate the very scent of her.
Eye contact is also very useful as a part of flirting, but it doesn't have to be long lingering looks. It can be an intense moment of connection, then look away, as if the power of the moment is more than you can handle. Intense connections are disconcerting for both parties, if done properly. You should be left feeling a little vulnerable, as if you've opened the window of your soul and let her in.
She'll be really curious if, after such a moment, you 'pull yourself together' and act as if nothing had happened. But it needs to be really obvious that something has happened.
I don't want you to fake this look. If you catch her eye and really look at her, something will happen. We can all connect in this way with anyone. It's just so much more intense if there's chemistry there, as well.
Please don't learn a lot of stupid pick-up lines. They don't work, on the whole, and they just make you look brainless. If you have to have a line, like a security blanket, then ham it up with one of the golden oldies, so it's obvious you are having fun with it. 'How does that line go? What's a beautiful woman like you doing in a dump like this?' And if she feels like playing, and you aren't in a dump, then she'll probably come back with an equally cheesy line that makes you both laugh.
Girl's often collect pick-up lines and exchange them with their friends for a laugh. They rarely pick up the guy with the pick up line. Go with natural, go with real. If you combine it with the right body language, you'll make her feel great and may find the flirting takes you further into the dance.
If you'd like to learn more about flirting or attracting women, why not go to http://shyguysfriend.com Maybe I'll see you there (mysterious, knowing little smile).
Savvy Aussie Cara Reynolds has made it her quest to help shy guys get the women/girls they deserve. A teacher and trainer by profession, she has recently turned her skills in this new direction. Her website http://shyguysfriend.com is packed with great advice supported by solid research. And you can also get her 'My Secrets for Shy Guy Success' for free from that site too.
